The Strange, the Odd and the Weird
by Jet556
Summary: Starting on a day filled with fence building, a Red Taz hunt and now the fire alarm going off a startling discovery is made: a photograph of Wendell Barrage, Veronica Victoria and the late Cassius Hagen together as friends! With the mystery of the appearance of a witch doctor who should be a glorified brain in a jar, Lee Ping and Tina Kwee's friend Basil Hagen has his own mystery.
1. Familiar Kids

**Welcome everyone. A new fan fic continuing on with the third season with the title being inspired by "The Good, the Bad and the Ugly." The concept of Barrage and Victoria being what they were as teens comes from a piece of fan art you can find on Tumblr and possibly Deviantart. Enjoy and review.**

**Familiar Kids**

What a day! First, a fence, then a Red Taz hunt, now the fire alarm had gone off! A. Nigma High was quite the school to go to… But everyone knew that!

Sitting by the wall with Tina Kwee, Basil Hagen flipped through the journal of his late father, the author Cassius Hagen.

"So let me get this straight! Legendre has shown up again looking as he did when I first saw him even though the last time you saw him he was a glorified brain in a jar?" asked Tina. Still flipping through Cassius' journal, Basil nodded. The journal was a real page turner! "And when Cherie went to track him she found his thumb lying on the ground? It just fell of?"

"That's how Cherie tells it and she is more trustworthy than my previous girlfriends… Both of them." Basil's eyes stopped at a picture in his dad's journal. It was dated 1981, his dad would have been eighteen then. He was there sure enough rocking a hair cut that made him look like Harrison Ford in 'Raiders of the Lost Ark.' On his left was a boy of about fifteen in a marching band uniform. The boy's right eye was a black eye. On Cassius' right was a girl who was also of fifteen, kind of nerdy looking and with incredible red hair. There was something familiar looking about those two. Basil then saw some writing beneath the picture written in Irish. "Uh, Tina, tell me something."

"What?"

Basil handed Tina his dad's journal. "I'm not the only one who thinks those two standing next to my dad look familiar am I?"

Tina's eyes widened. "The girl looks familiar! That's Victoria! Your dad knew Victoria? What was the reason for this picture? Who is that band guy?"

"Well, despite being far too slim the resemblance is still there. I'd say its Barrage!"

Tina looked at the picture again. It was Barrage! "Okay… How did your dad know the psycho cyborg and the would-be world conqueror?"

Basil shrugged. "I don't know! It is obviously them and the what that says in Irish is that they were more tolerable than Ace Von Chilstein!"

All of this was passing strangely.


	2. Questioning Barrage

**Welcome back everyone. Lee, Tina and Barrage will be the Canon characters Basil has the most interaction with. Enjoy and review.**

**Questioning Barrage**

Basil walked to Barrage's office with Tina. Basil wanted to question Barrage and Tina wanted to make sure someone he trusted was there to back him up. There were only six people at A. Nigma that Basil trusted: Lee, Tina, Cam, Holger, Biffy, Cherie… Basil trusted them all! Basil only half trusted Barrage and when questioning someone he only half-trusted, he needed someone that he fully trusted.

"You know I think I liked Blompkins better than Barrage is now." Commented Basil.

This only caused Tina to look at Basil most incredulously. "You can't be serious!"

"No, no. I am. Better Blompkins than a computer with a virus in it."

Tina's eyes widened. "What did you just say?"

"Better Blompkins than a computer with a virus in it. You must see it. There is something different about Barrage. I can't quite put my finger on it but there is something different about him. Sometimes I'll say something and then he just ends up with this blank look on his face."

Then they were at the door of Barrage's office.

"Well, go on in."

"No, no, Tina, ladies first!"

Rolling her eyes, Tina opened the door and walked on in. Basil followed soon after. With Barrage looking at them, Basil's knees started to shake. This did not go unnoticed by Tina or Barrage. How often did Basil show any fear of Barrage?

"What does Quasimodo and Asaji Washizu want?" Barrage asked.

"Hey, wait a minute there is no French blood in me!" objected Basil.

"And my ancestry is Chinese-Indonesian not Japanese." Added Tina.

Barrage gave a glare. If there were a tax on glaring, Barrage would have been a beggar. "What do you two want?" Basil held out his father's journal and turned to the page that had the picture of Barrage, Victoria and Cassius together. Handing it to Barrage, Basil gave a nervous smile. Barrage took a look and then handed it back to Basil. "Your dear old daddy and me were put with VP Victoria by Trans Fishers! I don't know why, go ask him!"

Basil gave a nod. "I see… And can you tell me anything el-"

"Out!"

And with that both Basil and Tina left the office.


	3. Trans Fishers

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**Trans Fishers**

Sitting with Cherie in the cafeteria, Basil looked at his dad's journal. Barrage only gave the name Trans Fishers, said he partnered them together. Flipping through the pages, Basil scanned them to see if the name Trans Fishers was anywhere in them.

Finally, he did find it! In the very last entry which lasted some thirty-five pages!

_Fishers must be going on seventy-six by now. That means he is retired… I'll never live to see retirement… He's lucky. He wasn't so bad and I thank him for partnering me with Wendell and Veronica when we were working on that play. He's a good man. Undeniably odd but still a good man._

Basil read it to Cherie.

"What does he mean by undeniably odd? Is there any specifics or anything like that?" she asked.

"No, just that." Basil sighed. He really wished that Tina didn't have class or that Lee wasn't busy with something else. "And there is no picture in this thing so we have no idea what he even looks like." Basil looked around. "And on a side note, the name makes me think of Terence Fisher, the director of 'The Curse of Frankenstein.'"

"I haven't heard of that, is it any good?" asked Cherie.

"Not as good as the Kenneth Branagh film but it is fantastic." Basil nodded. "Frankenstein is played by Peter Cushing."

Cherie blinked. "Actually, I think I might have seen it. Who else stars?"

"Christopher Lee as the Monster."

"The guy from 'Lord of the Rings?'"

"Yeah!"

"Actually, I have seen that!" Cherie smiled. "It is good!"

"Yeah, it's weird how much Trans Fishers sounds like Terence Fisher." Basil tapped his finger on the page of his father's journal. "And you know what? Terence Fisher died in 1980 at the age of seventy-six, my dad said that Trans Fishers is seventy-six this year.

Cherie's eyes widened. "How is that for coincidence?" Was there such a thing as coincidence around here?


	4. Shelley Street

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**Shelley Street**

Basil and Cherie went straight to the library. It was just a hunch but if anyone were to know where Trans Fishers lived, Mrs. Alice the librarian did! Thankfully, there was no Brad or Greta there this time. Greta was tutoring Holger and Steve. Brad was who knew where!

Walking up to the librarian's desk, Basil cleared his throat. Mrs. Alice looked up from the book she was reading. She was reading "Frankenstein" by Mary Shelley.

"May I help you?" she asked.

"Yes, you wouldn't happen to know where Trans Fishers lives do you?"

"On Shelley Street! 1818 Shelley Street!"

Basil turned his head sideways and raised his one solitary eyebrow, the other having been lost. "Shelley Street?"

"Shelley Street!"

Basil nodded. "Thanks." He then walked out of the library with Cherie. "Shelley Street? As if in Mary Shelley the author of 'Frankenstein?' Terence Fisher directed 'The Curse of Frankenstein' and Trans Fishers is living on Shelley Street?" Basil clutched Cherie's arms. "What's next? Someone with a name like Bram Stoker?"

"Basil, I'm really hoping you are asking a rhetorical question." Cherie's hope was anybody's who would be in that situation.

"Of course I am, Cherie." Basil ran his hands through his hair. "I'm fine, I'm alright, I'm okay, I'm cool I'm fine."

Cherie gave Basil a kiss. "You want to go back to your house early and go to Shelley Street tomorrow?"

Basil shook his head. "You can if you want to but I'd like to get this mystery finished as quickly as possible." He then gave Cherie a kiss, who just hugged him.

"You expect me to leave you to solve this by yourself?" Cherie's question was rhetorical. Basil and Cherie could ask rhetorical questions. They were truly meant for each other. "I love you and will stand by you as I should and as you should stand by me."

Basil chuckled. Cherie was really something wonderful.


	5. Dead

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**Dead**

Basil and Cherie both stood before the house of Trans Fishers. They were both rather shocked by what Mrs. Fishers had told them. Basil was particularly more shocked.

"Yesterday?" Basil asked. "He died yesterday?"

"It was very sudden." Replied Mrs. Fishers. "I wasn't surprised though, he said everyday for that last three years this will be the day that I die. I just got tired of hearing him saying it and am happy that he is dead so I don't have to hear him say it anymore!" Basil and Cherie were both speechless. "He used to go on and on about Cassius Hagen, Wendell Barrage and Veronica Victoria! About how Vram Banana suggested he partnered them together when working on the play 'The Undead.'" Basil's eyes widened. Vram Banana? Who was Vram Banana? "Anyway, do you want to know when the funeral is?"

Basil shook his head. "No thanks and my condolences." And with that, Mrs. Fishers shut the door.

Walking down the street, Basil gripped Cherie's hand.

"A dead end, huh?"

"Not really, Cherie." Basil looked up to the sky. "We have someone else to look for now."

"You mean that Vram Banana guy?" asked Cherie. "Do we have to look for him now? I don't want to go all over Toronto today."

Basil gave a chuckle. "The thought of doing that isn't appealing to me either." He looked at Cherie with her alabaster skin and golden hair. She was beautiful and he'd just as likely go for a phantom that looked like her only to find the phantom didn't have the heart and soul he had fallen in love with. In many ways he was like Menelaus who had found a phantom Helen made by Hermes, whom the Egyptians called Thoth, only to once again find his love for her when he found the real Helen in Egypt. She had drunk of his lips deeply and he of hers. They had touched. They knew each other well. No matter how beautiful the phantom, no matter how lustful the Theseus, no matter how handsome the Paris, no matter how mean spirited the Deiphobus no matter how unscrupulous the Ramesses III they would always be together. All loves had this challenge because of a third party getting in the way.

Lee and Tina would face this challenge twice.


	6. Reviewing the Day

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**Reviewing the Day**

Basil sat in his room looking at the list he had made of this that had happened today.

A fence was being built around the school. What was Barrage up to? Some sort of internment camp thing?

And then there was Barrage putting a bounty up for the Red Taz. Basil didn't know what that was about. Maybe Barrage had some sort of attraction to the Tazelwurm… Well, that was a disturbing thought.

Then the fire alarm went off. It was nice. Basil got to talk to Tina. Wished he could have talked to Lee too, Cam, Holger,, Biffy all his friends but some of them were busy or just missing. Of course, in the case of the missing friends it had more to do with them obviously being off doing something.

And then there was this Trans Fishers business. Fishers had died yesterday and now Basil had put on the trail of one Vram Banana.

Was there a connection to everything? Maybe and maybe not! Some things were connected but not all things. Basil very much doubted the fence, Red Taz Hunt and Lee and Biffy having been nowhere to be found were not connected in any way.

But Trans Fishers and Vram Banana… Basil could think about them later.

Walking into the computer room, Basil turned on the seldom-turned on computer. And then he turned it off again. He just couldn't call someone via computer it felt so odd to him. It didn't feel natural to him. Sure he'd be talking to them face-to-face but they wouldn't have really been there.

The phone started to ring. Walking into his mom's room, Basil grabbed the phone from the nightstand.

"Hello?"

"Hi, Basil."

"Mom?" Basil leaned on the nightstand. "What's up?"

"I'm being transferred to one of the Toronto theaters so you'll be seeing me everyday. I'll be home again for the first time in a long while. We're going to be a family again. I'll see you in three days."

"Okay, so you then."


	7. The Next Morning

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**The Next Morning**

Basil sat in his dinning room. As he ate breakfast, he looked at a notebook he written things down in.

The first thing on his to do list was to go to school. The second was to go find Vram Banana.

What kind of a name was Vram Banana any way? Basil wasn't anyone to judge but the name was just odd.

Was there a connection between Vram Banana and what Lee was going through? Maybe but given Basil's experience since coming to Toronto he had not found anything that he ended up getting involved with ever connecting to what was going on with Lee's stuff.

Finishing his breakfast, Basil took the bowl into the kitchen and put it in the sink.

As he filled the bowl with water, a sound came to Basil's ears… He knew that sound… It was the sound worse than hearing a garbage truck go by at night just when you were trying to get back to sleep.

Looking at out the kitchen window, Basil saw something horrible sitting on a tree branch.

It was Murder! The vulture that belonged to Bela Legendre!

But it was impossible! Murder had been killed!

Twice!

The first time Murder had been struck by lightning! The second time he was some sort of Frankenbird and had been broken apart! And now once again Murder lived! But how!

"What must I do to be free of you?" asked Basil. That was a legitimate question.

Murder just squawked in response. It was a terrible thing to hear.

Basil leaned closer. Murder had a mohawk, flaring nostrils and some large, goofy eyes. Was this Murder? Or was it just a bird that looked the same? The black feathers, the orange neck… It looked like Murder but was it Murder?

"Who are you?"


	8. Eye Scream

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**Eye Scream**

Basil rubbed his bad eye. Why would getting lasers in the eye hurt even if it was his bad eye? He had laser eye surgery as he parents had told him, even if he didn't remember it, so why would lasers to the eye bother him so?

"Basil, are you okay?" asked Cherie. She put a hand on his shoulder.

"Uh, yeah…" Basil blinked. He hadn't been in this much pain since his disfigurement. "Is that bird I told you about anywhere in sight?"

"B-movie Murder? He is nowhere near here!" Cherie gave Basil a pat on the back. "You said he didn't even move from that tree in your backyard? Who is to say he isn't just going to stay there?"

Basil sighed. "Why did we ever get Hamlet declawed?"

Cherie shrugged. "I don't know? Why did you?" Basil rolled his eyes.

Turning to look at Cherie, Basil held up a finger. "Rhetorical!"

"Basil?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm over here." As it turned out, Basil wasn't even facing Cherie. He was facing Brandy who was standing nearby. Sighing in embarrassment, Basil turned to face Cherie.

"She's not there either, Basil!" commented Brandy. Basil was this time facing the fence. He once again turned and this time was facing Cherie. "There you go!"

"Rhetorical!" Basil put his hands out onto Cherie's shoulders. "Is this is you… No, wait… I'm starting to be able to see again!"

Cherie gave Basil a kiss. "Just sit down, relax."

Basil sat down and listened to everything as his sight started to return to him. People chanting anything except for "Chaz is great." Chaz wasn't great he was terrible! Then Barrage was going on about something. And then Cam was talking and then Barrage was agreeing.

What was happening?


	9. Protest Time

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**Protest Time**

Regaining his sight, Basil saw Barrage take Lee away to detention. If a protest qualified as free time then no doubt Lee would be in detention. Walking over to Tina, Basil held out a hand and placed it on her shoulder. He was feeling a bit weak on his feet his morning had been odd. First some Murder-look-alike and a few minutes ago he had been temporarily blinded.

"Tina, can you do a favor?" he asked.

Tina nodded. "Sure what?"

"Can you sometimes keep an eye out for a bird that looks like Murder with a Mohawk?" Basil's question caused Tina to raise an eyebrow. That was one odd favor.

Cherie walked over and took Basil by the arm. "I'll keep an eye out, Tina, you help Cam with the protest!" Tina walked away leaving Cherie and her boyfriend alone. "Basil, I know birds scare you and that you are feeling paranoid but don't ask all of your friends to keep an eye out for that thing!"

With his good eye darting around, Basil finally noticed the stage where Cam was standing with some guy with a guitar. Who was that guy? Basil saw that guy in his classes he just could never remember his name.

And then the guy started singing. He wasn't exactly the best of singers Basil could probably dance better than he could sing!

"Protest! It's a protest!" Just that over and over again! People were booing by the time the third repeat was uttered.

It was pretty obvious that Cam was not too impressed. A better musician could have been found in the pet shop! Be it whistling bird or howling dog! Even a meowing cat would be better!

"I think I'll take a walk." Said Basil, walking away to follow the fence. He'd never get out of the fence till lunch or something like that with the hazmats standing there like the guards of Buckingham palace!

"Can I join you?" asked Cherie.

"If you want."

"When will you come back to the protest?"

"When there is music that doesn't make me wish I left my earplugs at home!"


	10. Murder 20

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**Murder 2.0**

Walking along the side of the fence, which was really more of a wall, a sound came to the ears of Basil and Cherie… It vaguely sounded like a garbage truck going by at three in the morning. It was Murder 2.0 as the creature had been so generously or obviously named.

"That sounds horrible!" Cherie put her hands over her ears. She was a master of stating the obvious. So were a lot of other people at various times. Basil had nothing to say. He had heard bird cackles like that for years! "And why does that thing have a Mohawk?"

"I don't know, Cherie."

"And big goofy eyes?"

"I don't know, Cherie."

"And flaring nostrils?"

"I refer you to my previous answers, Cherie." Basil winced as Murder 2.0 let out another cry. Kneeling down to pick up a rock, Basil looked at the annoying bird. Who bred these things? Finally, he threw the rock at the bird. Murder 2.0 responded by… Breathing fire! A bird that breathed fire! Completely shocked, Basil looked at Cherie and asked the thing he had been thinking. "Who breeds these things?"

"I don't know, Basil."

"Who breeds a bird who breathes fire? Is it even a bird? It looks more like a dragon! As if I haven't had enough of those!" Basil looked at Murder 2.0 with a most spiteful look! "Why do these things exist? Do they exist just to make sport of me?"

"I don't know, Basil."

"Do you know any monsters like this, Cherie?"

"Can't say I do, Basil." Shaking his head, Basil walked away. Confused by Basil's sudden change of mood, Cherie followed him. "Basil?"

"I think we should get inside." He said. "More me than you… For all we know this thing could be the missing link between bird and reptile and if so there is a good chance it will want to kill me."

"Okay then." Said Cherie, giving a logical response.


	11. Change of Music

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**Change of Music**

Walking into the school, Basil and Cherie heard the Dudes of Darkness start performing. Cam had found someone better! Giving a smile, Basil looked at Cherie and held up his hands.

"I might be more of a Celtic music guy but these guys are heaven!"

Cherie cocked her head to one side. She had never heard Basil say what kind of music he liked. Very few had. While Basil was known for a dislike of music due to being incapable of singing, there had been slight hints that he did like some forms of music. It could have been that he was better at humming, could have been he felt close to his Celtic ancestry, it could have been something else entirely.

"Why do you like that kind of music, Basil?"

Basil shrugged. "It sounds very happy!"

Cherie looked at a locker. Then she looked at Basil and nodded. That was as good a reason for anyone who had a dislike of music to like some of music as any!

The two kissed, with Basil backing into a corner while Cherie followed him. They were about to kiss again when Biffy and Holger walked in. Biffy and Holger both looked at Basil and Cherie only to continue on their way. Basil was going to kiss Cherie again when she walked away and watched Biffy and Holger walk in the direction they had headed.

"Where do you think they're going?" Cherie took a step in the direction the two had gone in. "To get Lee out of detention?"

Basil walked over to Cherie and put his hands on her shoulders. "Without a doubt!" He then turned Cherie to face him. "Now how about we find somewhere a bit more private to kiss?"

"Like the detention hallway?" asked Cherie with a smirk. Now, naturally there was nothing private about the detention hallway but that was the point. Cherie wanted to see Holger and Biffy get Lee out of detention. Basil not so much, he wanted a normal day at A. Nigma.

"No, an empty classroom. Everyone is outside so there is sure to be an empty classroom somewhere! Or better yet a janitor's closet! Somewhere where no one will interrupt us!"

Cherie laughed and then kissed Basil. "More like a place where that bird won't get you!"


	12. Act Thief

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**Act Thief**

As Basil and Cherie found a place to kiss in private, a janitor's closest, which was very 1950's, they heard the cry of that annoying bird coming from an air vent. It was impossible! But it was! That thing had come in through the air vents!

"Murder 2.0 is stealing Lee and the Tazelwurm's act!" commented Basil. A lot of people were masters of stating the obvious, now it was his turn.

Cherie kissed Basil, trying to distract him from the ever-present bird. "Forget about that thing. Right now it's just you and me."

Then came another cry of that annoying bird, bringing Basil out of the kiss. "I can't. I can't focus with Murder 2.0 stalking me!"

"Basil!"

"No, Cherie, that bird… dragon… whatever it is, is stalking me!" Walking to another corner of the room, Basil looked up at the air vent. "All I want to do is to question this Vram Banana so I can know why Barrage, my dad and Victoria were partnered together… Were they friends?" Basil gave a gasp. "What if Barrage is my godfather and Victoria my godmother?" That was quite the thought… Cherie was absolutely speechless! "Or what if Barrage was my dad's adoptive brother… My adoptive uncle… and Victoria was my dad's girlfriend!"

Cherie thought for a second. Something didn't add up. "Wait, your dad was forty-nine when he died right?"

"Yeah…"

"And Victoria's got to be what… forty-six?"

"My dad was five years older than my mom, I'm one year older than you… Cherie, are you really going to question someone dating someone not the same age as them?"

Cherie looked at a wall then she looked back at Basil and nodded. "Good point." Finally, a thought came to her. "Wait, what if before your dad was married to your mom he was married to Victoria? Maybe that's why Clarence hates you! Because your dad stole his girlfriend!" Now there was a thought! Victoria as a stepmother! "What if they had a kid?"

"Cherie!" Basil took a less than calm breath. "That's enough!"


	13. What was that?

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**What was that?**

In came Murder 2.0 through the air vent! Basil just stared with his good eye. Why? Just why? Why did all two of the birds he knew that looked like that go through the air vents to get to him?

Most surprisingly, Murder 2.0 didn't even try to attack Basil. It just flew down and gently perched on his shoulder.

"Well, I didn't expect this." Commented Cherie. Usually any bird, save for owls, would attack Basil on sight. This was weird.

Taking Murder 2.0 off his shoulder, Basil held him out in front of Cherie. "Here, you hold it!"

Cherie held out her hands only for Murder 2.0 to bite Cherie on the finger. "Ouch!" She backed away and looked at the bird-dragon thing. "No thanks!"

Basil then started to shake Murder 2.0 who made no noise and didn't even move. Strangely, it bore a strong resemblance to a farmer trying to get a hen to lay an egg that just refused to lay. "Bad! Bad bird! Bad!" That was telling the bird.

Suddenly a sound came to their ears. Murder 2.0 let out an annoying cry, just like the first Murder. It sounded like a garbage truck going by at two in the morning.

"What was that?" asked Cherie.

"Just the common cry of whatever kind of bird this is." Stated Basil.

"No, not that!" Cherie shook her head. "That other sound!"

"A hose exploding."

Cherie fell silent. One minute passed. Then two. Then three. "What? How would you know what an exploding hose sounds like?"

"Kindergarten." That was the only answer Basil gave. That was the only answer Cherie needed. "So…" Basil swallowed. "Want to go see if we can find Murder's old birdcage and put Murder 2.0 in it?" Murder 2.0 let out another annoying cry.

Completely deadpan, Cherie replied with "Really? You're going to risk that?"

Basil sighed. He hated birds, except for owls. Just when he thought a non-owl was going to be nice, it ended up protesting.


	14. Awkward Meeting with Lee

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**Awkward Meeting with Lee**

As Basil and Cherie walked to Barrage's office, with Murder 2.0 in Basil's hands, they came across Lee in the hallway. What was her doing out of detention? How did he get out? Those were all wonderfully legitimate questions!

At the sign of Murder 2.0, Lee raised an eyebrow in question and looked kind of freaked out. "What is that?"

"Murder 2.0." stated Basil. "Please take him, I don't want him, I don't want to have anything to do with a bird named after a bird that is named after a crime." He then held the bird up to Lee's face. "Take him! Take him!" At this point he was shaking the bird, who started giving an annoying cry in protest that it stopped being shaken!

"Ignore him, Lee." Cherie shook her head and placed a hand on Basil's shoulder. "You know how he feels about birds. Anyway, what are you doing out of detention? How did you get out?"

"I have to get to a meeting with Lynch, Biffy got me out." Lee's explanation was brief but he didn't know much or how little time he had before Holger got back. "Holger is… working on something."

"Working on something?" Basil looked at Murder 2.0. "Do you hear that? Holger is working on something. Lee, in my time since coming to this school, they are two lunatics that I can name, one being a good friend of mine, the other being Lynch."

Cherie blinked. "You consider Holger a lunatic?"

"In the most positive meaning o' the word of course!" stated Basil. That was confusing, Lee and Cherie weren't even aware that there could be a positive meaning for the word lunatic. "What does he intend to do, fly off the roof with cardboard wings?"

"You just described Holger with that question." Commented Lee, snarky as ever. "That is something he would do but I'm certain that he is not going to do that since his plan involves a hose."

"Like a garden hose?"

"Well, I doubt he'd be able to get a fire hose!"

The thought of Holger stealing a fire hose was bizarrely amusing. Basil chuckled and then Murder 2.0 bit him on the finger!


	15. Dratted Bird

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**Dratted Bird**

Letting go of Murder 2.0, Basil shook a fist at the bird as it started to fly around in circles above the heads of the three students below. Looking at Lee, Basil pointed a thumb at the bird of evil going round and round above them.

"You, uh, you want to help me?" he asked.

"I could ask you the same thing." Lee looked up at the bird and then shook his head. "So have you found anything?"

"Just something that says 'Beware of his Eminence' or something like that…" Basil shrugged. "I don't know, maybe he's someone like Cardinal Richelieu…" He then ran a hand through his white hair. "Man, do I ever like him as a patriotic supporter of the monarchy but hate him as a power-hungry cynic… I hate cynics they're like fascist dictators… The only good ones are the ones that have been buried."

Lee stared. He then looked at his phone. "Okay, I think I'll go meet Holger on the roof." And with that, he departed for the roof.

With Lee gone, Basil had to look to Cherie for help. Sucking on a, well, lollipop. "What?" Looking up at the bird, Cherie shuddered. "No way, you get that bird yourself! Murder and his ilk are evil!"

Basil raised his one solitary eyebrow, since the other had been burnt away. "Did you just say 'ilk?'"

Smiling, Cherie nodded. "That I did, my D'Artagnan, that I did."

Grimacing, Basil regrettably took off his shirt and tried to catch Murder 2.0 with it. "Don't call me that, Cherie! D'Artagnan never got a happy ending!" Failing to catch Murder 2.0, Basil put his shirt on. Cherie had been blushing the whole time.

"S-So, what should I call you then?"

"How about your Menelaus? He got a happy ending!"

Smiling, Cherie kissed Basil. "I can think of something simpler, love."

And then, unexpectedly Murder 2.0 made an exit by crashing through a window. Was it dramatic? Yes. Was it comic book-y? Yes. Was it awesome? Most definitely yes!

Basil just stared. "Didn't expect that."


	16. Everything

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**Everything**

Now outside in the parking lot, Basil and Cherie searched to see if there was any sign of Murder 2.0. There wasn't.

"What kind of a day is this?" Basil looked up at the sky. Murder 2.0 was gone there was no way it was coming back.

"Is that rhetorical?" asked Cherie. "If not I'll say a weird one."

"No, it is not." Looking at Cherie, Basil scratched his right cheek. "You know what, lets forget about that thing! If it shows up again, it will show up again." Still scratching his cheek, Basil took a long look at Cherie. He wasn't going to wait until the day came to tell her. He was just going to tell her. He opened his mouth only to close it.

"Basil?" Cherie tilted her head to one side. "Is there something you were going to say?"

Basil shook his head. "No, it doesn't matter. You want to go and help with the protest or find some place… Uh, quiet?"

Cherie shook her head. "Nah, lets stay out here. It's nice and sunny, there isn't a cloud in the sky lets go participate in the protest."

What was he to do? When someone had a point, they had a point and it was a great point! There was a reason Basil loved Cherie and it had nothing to do with her being beautiful, which she was.

Nodding, Basil put an arm around Cherie and walked with her to the football field. They didn't even get three steps before they heard… Well, Holger!

Yes, Holger's plan for getting Lee out to a meeting with Lynch had come into play! It involved zip lining across a hose via belt and shoelace… Holger was using the shoelace not Lee. Lee was quiet but Holger in typical fashion was making a caterwauling.

Basil and Cherie were agog. Basil and Cherie were aghast.

"Didn't expect this." Commented Cherie.

Giving a sigh, Basil then made his comment. "I have finally seen everything. Nothing will surprise me at this point."

That remained to be seen.


	17. Orphaned Punch Line

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**Orphaned Punch Line**

"If you want to know worldly, Basil, you should be in my mom's kitchen!"

Looking confused at the joke Cherie just told, Basil looked at Tina who just shrugged. "Uh, Cherie, the joke was funny and all, I think, but what does that have to do with the protest?"

"I'm just trying to lighten the mood!" Cherie's explanation caused some somewhat confused nodding. Basil and Tina weren't exactly sure if it was right to tell a joke at this kind of protest but it did make them feel a bit like there was a load off their shoulders. Just a bit.

"That's a very good job, Cherie." Said Tina.

"So what's new on the Barrage front, Tina?" asked Basil.

"Well, he's tried crystalizing us and hosing us into the next time zone so who knows what he will try next."

"Knowing him…" started Basil "He'll try something along the lines of a megalomaniac."

Cherie and Tina both nodded in agreement. Barrage was going to something sadistic they knew that much. It was a lot better under Barrage than Blompkins though, that guy was a supporter of slave labor! It only caused Basil and Cherie to wonder what Wurst had been like.

And then Basil sneezed. Then he sneezed again. "Sorry, ladies, looks like I've got a cold coming down… Or maybe I'm allergic to birds and Murder 2.0 biting caused some sort of reaction." Shrugging, Basil started to walk away. "I'm gonna go home." Then he saw the hazmats at the entrance. "Never mind."

"You better not let Barrage see you like this!" stated Tina. "During the flu epidemic, he put the whole school on lockdown." Tapping Basil on the top of the head she gave him a friendly smile. "You don't want to go through that."

"I'd rather be tortured via electric chair than know what Barrage does when people are sick." Starting by walking in a circle, Basil put a hand on Tina's shoulder. "Cherie, I'm going to go lay down. Okay?"

"I'm Tina." She then pointed at Cherie. "Cherie…" Then at herself. "Tina."

Hanging his head, Basil walked to a tree and lay down beneath it.


	18. Petition Time

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**Petition Time**

Suddenly Cam walked up on stage and grabbed the microphone. "Let's make this protest official! Everyone sign this petition!" It was at that point he threw a clipboard into the crowd.

And then that reminded Basil of something. Whatever happened to his petition to get Chaz expelled? Did he forget about it? Did he just decide to not get the petition going? And then he remembered. He had forgotten about it.

"Son of a harpy…" He muttered. "I've got to het back to my petition to get Chaz expelled!" He turned to go into the school and go to his locker when Cherie grabbed him by the collar of his golf shirt. With her other hand she was holding the clipboard that had signatures for the petition. "How did it get here so quickly?"

"Just sign."

"Okay, okay…" Basil took the clipboard and was handed a pen from a nearby Steve. "Thanks…" Signing his name, Basil's good eye noticed something. There was a lot of people who dotted their 'I''s with smiley faces. Cherie even did that! "No way I'm conforming!" Basil signed his name without an 'I' dotted with a smiley face. He then handed the clipboard and pen to another student. Again he turned to head to the school until again Cherie grabbed him by the shirt collar. "What?"

"I thought you were going to lay down under a tree?"

"Changed my mind, gonna get my petition to get Chaz expelled going!"

"Go lie down!"

"But the petition!"

"Lie down!"

"Petition!"

"Lie! Down!"

"But if I can get Chaz expelled I'm not going to be an idle spell." Basil pointed over at Tina. "He makes being on the news team torture for Tina. All I wanna do is make things better for one of my friends."

"Aw." Cherie kissed Basil on the cheek. "That's so sweet of you, sweetie." She then kissed him on the other cheek. "But you're not feeling well. Now go lie down!"


	19. A Little Laydown

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**A Little Laydown **

"Lay down, Basil." Cherie kept trying to keep Basil down but she just couldn't do it no matter how hard she tried. He wasn't feeling well and should have been lying down yet he refused to.

"Only thing you haven't tried is pinning me down with you're body, Cherie." Teased Basil. "Not that you'd do that in public." Walking away from the tree and walking into the school, Basil went right for his locker. Cherie, of course, followed him. Once at his locker, Basil opened it and looked at the stuff in it. There was some books, a picture of him and Cherie, the clipboard holding the petition and… a ring? Yes, that was the ring that he had given to his girlfriends so other guys knew she was in a relationship with someone.

Once Cherie had caught up to him, Basil had closed his locker and had the petition in his right hand. "Basil, go find a place to lie down. I don't care where! Beneath a tree, on a table in the cafeteria, in the nurse's office, somewhere with your head on my lap just lie down! You are not feeling well and need a little laydown!"

"Why certainly, Cherie." Basil put his hand in his left pocket and pulled out the ring. "But first, this if for you." He handed it to Cherie and then began to walk past her until a little misunderstanding happened.

"Oh, Basil! Yes, I'll marry you!"

Basil stopped in his tracks and turned to look at Cherie. "Marry me? That is not a wedding ring! It's a ring to show you're in a relationship with me so no other guys try to make a move on you."

"What's that supposed to mean?" asked Cherie, not looking a little angry. "That I'm not good enough to marry?"

"We're not old enough to marry!" It was true. Marrying age was eighteen, Basil was fifteen and Cherie was fourteen.

"Old enough to 'touch!'" Cherie then walked closer to Basil and grabbed him by his shirt. "Don't you love me?"

"I love you with me heart!"

"What about your head? Don't you love me with your head too? Is there another girl that you love with your head?"

"What? Cherie!' It was at that moment that Cherie stormed off. Still with the ring no less!


	20. Cherie's Brothers

**Welcome back everyone. The next few chapters will be very Cherie-centric. Enjoy and review.**

**Cherie's brothers**

Walking to her locker, Cherie opened and pulled out a lollipop she kept in her backpack. Removing the wrapper and putting it in her mouth, Cherie closed her locker and punched it three times. She would have punched it a fourth time but her fist started to hurt after the third time. Ironically, Basil's fist would hurt after the same amount times of punching a locker.

Opening her locker again Cherie looked at a picture of her and her brothers Capulet, 20, and Montague, 17.

Capulet or "Captain" as he was also known, was a paintball slinging rebel with a sweet motorbike and cool dissipation. Like his younger brother he stayed in Texas with his dad Cornelius so he could finish college and help their dad get back on his feet after the divorce. He called Cherie an angel because she was the most innocent little girl he knew and loved her dearly.

Montague aka "Monty" was a crazy, hyper, hipster. He loved 8-bit games, wrestling, good music and lots of coffee. Since he was still in high school, he would be allowed to wander A. Nigma whenever he visited.

Now while both of her brothers were good people they also had these little flaws. Monty was violent when on a coffee crash or ticked off while Captain on the other hand was always tough and mean, to everyone that wasn't family, and when his paintball roulette was added along with a bad day… It wasn't a pretty picture.

Most of the guys Cherie had been with before Basil hadn't been the nice sort. They had been jerks, that was all that had to be said. Basil was the first genuine nice guy she had ever been with of course to her brothers he just would have been another guy. To them she was sweet and innocent and any guys interested in her were not. Basil was a nice guy, not a jerk who would have left her crying on a kitchen floor.

Coming to that realization, Cherie took her lollipop out of her mouth. She then saw she still had the ring Basil had given her. Basil had given a good point, Cherie gave good points too they both gave good points.

She had gotten mad for a stupid reason. Going back to apologize to Basil she looked at the ring again. Put it on? Don't put it on? Ultimately, she decided to just hold it. Holding it was fine.

When she found Basil, he was outside beneath a tree on his phone. He wasn't playing a game or texting but talking to someone. As she got closer she discovered that it just wasn't anyone but his mom he was talking too.


	21. Mothers

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**Mothers**

As Cherie got closer to the tree, she started to hear more of what Basil was saying. Once close enough, she hid behind the tree so he wouldn't she was listening in on him.

"I'm fine, mom." Basil started to tap his fingers on his knee. "So you'll be home in two days, do you want to do anything that day?" Cherie's eyes widened. Basil's mom was coming home in two day? Cherie couldn't understand why Basil had not told her. "You don't? Why not? You'll be starting at your new theatre an hour after getting home? You're kidding. You're not kidding." Cherie could just imagine Basil rolling her eyes. If it were her mom, Cherie would roll her eyes too. "So, will you still be designing costumes? You will and you will also be designing sets… Wow!" That was a lot. "Weapons too?" Correction. That was a lot. "So basically you're going to be designing everything? I am impressed." That was impressive. "No, mom, that doesn't mean I'm not impressed with your work. I'm impressed with both your work and dad's I just find the art of the written word more impressive than the visual arts. No, no, that's not what I mean! No, not my Shakespeare!" Mom!" Basil turned off his phone and looked up to the branches. "She's taking away my Shakespeare for a week. Terrific."

Cherie came around the tree and sat down next to Basil. "So, your mom will be home in two days."

"How long have you been there?"

"Long enough." Cherie put the ring Basil had given her on her finger and took his hand. "Why's she coming home? Was she…"

"No, she wasn't fired." Basil gripped Cherie's hand. "She's being transferred to a theatre here in Toronto… It's down by Centerville."

"Centerville?"

"Centerville Amusement Park, it's on Center Island. It's a children's amusement park with a 1900 turn of the century theme. I remember being little and going there with my family, all of us, grandparents, cousins… Not even sure if it's still operating this late in the year… Might take you down there so we can go on the Ferris wheel."

Kissing him, Cherie wrapped her arms around him. "I'm so sorry about that spat, I've just been reading 'The Three Musketeers' and was worried you might have a Lady de Winter, my brave D'Artagnan."

"There have been other girls since I've gotten together with you Cherie but there is something weird about them."

"What?"

"They look like you."


	22. Protest's End

**Welcome back everyone. In the next chapter, I introduce my new OC Venus Kellerman. Enjoy and review.**

**Protest's End**

Unexpectedly, Cam walked on stage and started talking into the mike. He had to do something it was a leader's job to say things to their people that would not result in things getting thrown at them.

"So the protest is pretty awesome, right?" asked Cam. "'Down with the Fence' and all!" Everyone then started chanting 'Down with the Fence.' "But really, I mean it's just a fence. I mean what has it ever done to us?" Then came the booing. "That's it's job, ese's, I mean I may be out of line but I love the way the fence makes me feel safe and secure man, you know, so what do everybody joined hands and said what they love about the fence." And then the booing started up again.

It was at that point that Cyrus stepped in. "Is he? Or maybe the power of rock and roll and love run through him, like, to the max! Ow!" The booing turned to cheering. It seemed Cyrus was better at convincing people than Cam was. "So what do you say? Maybe this fence ain't that bad! Maybe it rocks!" Everyone then proceeded to chant 'This fence rocks!'

Cam resumed speaking. "Totally, so if we wanna keep our fence lets all get back to class and cancel this protest!"

Utterly confused, Basil looked at Cherie, then at Cam and then at everyone else as they walked back to class. What just happened? How was the protest over just like that?

Instead of walking into school, Basil walked out the gate. Cherie quickly followed.

"Where are you going?" she asked.

"To find this Vram Banana guy!" was Basil's reply.

Rolling her eyes, Cherie followed. She had nothing to say at the moment but since Basil was leaving his backpack in his locker and thus she was doing the same by following him. "Basil, can't this wait?" she finally asked when they were at the crosswalk.

"No!"

"You don't even know where to go!"

"I don't care!"


	23. Venus Kellerman

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**Venus Kellerman **

Basil and Cherie had found the residence of Vram Banana. They had also found a "Gone Fishing" sign on his front door. That was something just begging for robbery. They had come to a dead end, a temporary one however. They would simply return when Vram Banana was once again at home.

The next morning, Basil walked to school alone. Cherie was sick and her mother wouldn't let her leave the house.

As he walked, Basil saw a girl of fifteen. Her hair was red, her skin tone was like a mixture of Tina's and his own. She was dressed in a uniform, a Catholic school uniform meaning she must have been Catholic. If there were Celtic Reconstructionist Paganism schools, Basil was pretty sure he'd be wearing the uniform. The strange thing however was that despite her skin and hair color she looked like Cherie. As she walked in his direction, Basil tilted his head to one side and there was no other way of looking at it she practically was Cherie when she had her hair down with a different hair color and skin tone. She was even wearing a different uniform! This girl was wearing a Catholic school uniform and Cherie wore a cheerleader's uniform. And Basil was also feeling attracted to her too! It must have been the resemblance to Cherie.

Maybe the colors she was wearing was what made Basil attracted to her! The pleated plaid skirt the girl was wearing was blue, black and green in color. Maybe it was the color green? Cherie's uniform was green and Basil had sometimes felt uncomfortable in Vice Principal Victoria's presence. The girl's shoes were a pair of black Mary Jane's. It couldn't have been the color black! Cherie wore black and white and even Cherie's eyes were black! The blouse she was wearing was red… No, it couldn't have been the color red. Her sweater was yellow… Cherie's cheerleader uniform was green and yellow!

Shaking his head, Basil stared in complete shock as this mystery girl got closer and closer. Even her eyes were green!

"Hey! I know you don't I?" Her voice! It sounded nothing like Cherie's it was more euphonic than a gray stringed harp and was bounded by compassion.

"I-I-I don't think so." Basil's voice was filled with nervousness. "I think I'd remember anyone as come-hither as you!"

"Really? Because you look familiar… Kind of that author who died in January…" The girl put a dainty finger on her chin. "What was his name? Oh, yeah! Cassius Hagen!"

"He was my dad!" said Basil.

"Wasn't aware he had been married." The girl stepped a little closer. "So you're part German, same as me. Want to take a guess of what I also am?"

Basil swallowed nervously. "I'd rather know you're name."

"Venus… Venus Kellerman."


	24. Skipping School

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**Skipping School**

Basil and Venus had gone to a coffee shop to get to know one another. Basil had no taste for coffee it was a terrible drink. Coincidentally, Venus had no taste for it either. But really no civilized, intelligent or sane person liked coffee. Biffy and a few of Basil's friends were exceptions however because they were all civilized, intelligent and sane.

Basil had gotten an ice tea and Venus a hot chocolate. Coincidentally, Cherie always got a hot chocolate. What was it with Basil and ending up across a table that liked hot drinks?

"So you are named Venus Kellerman?" asked Basil.

"You've asked that three times and my answer has always been the same." Answered Venus.

"Fitting for a beautiful girl like you to be named 'Venus.'" Basil took a sip of his ice tea. "That was the name of the Roman Goddess of love, beauty and desirability." The only reason Basil felt Venus was beautiful was because she looked like Cherie.

"Are you hitting on me?" Venus' question only caused Basil to realize what he had said. Looking around, Basil felt relieved that no one from A. Nigma was here. This would have been terrible if there had been. And then Venus put a hand on Basil's causing him to pull his hand away quickly. Venus just laughed. "I'm such a tease, teasing people is sort of a hobby of mine. Whenever someone calls me beautiful, I tease them! It's what I do."

Just his luck! Basil ended up attracted to a girl because she looked like his girlfriend and to top it all of she was a tease. Basil didn't like to be teased. No matter the gender, no matter the person, Basil absolutely hated being teased. Not wanting to make a scene, something he never wanted to do, Basil just took another sip of his ice tea.

Always wanting his back against the wall when it came to being in a restaurant, it wasn't Basil's intention to see who he saw when he saw who he saw enter the coffee shop.

It was Legendre! Barrage's old friend from the Octavius Caesar School for Boys! Barrage had been at A. Nigma for most of his education before attending the Octavius Caesar School for Boys and meeting Legendre, whom had been held back a few times thus explaining the four year age gap between the two.

"Coffee and be quick." And with that Legendre took his order and left the coffee shop.


	25. One Thumb

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**One Thumb**

Standing up, Basil walked towards the door. Legendre was walking into what Basil could call at best: the Bonemobile. He wasn't sure what was wrong with Legendre. The guy belonged in a horror movie!

"Hey?" Venus walked up to Basil as he watched Legendre get into his car. "Something the matter? And does that guy have one thumb?"

"Yes to both." Basil looked at Legendre as he got out of his car and started to kick the tires. "Uh, Venus, how about you give me number and we talk some other time while I go follow King Creep." Legendre started to walk along the sidewalk.

"You know him?"

"Yes, yes I do."

"Then I'm coming with you. I'm not going to boring, old Catholic school while you go on an adventure!" Venus grabbed Basil by the arm and began to pull him to the door. "Come on!" This girl was very proactive. So was Cherie.

As they walked out of the coffee shop, Basil saw Legendre just getting farther and farther. He probably wouldn't have noticed them from how far he was.

Following, Basil and Venus ended up on a street that looked just as much like something out of a horror movie as Legendre. Which horror movie specifically? A Val Lewton horror movie! Which one? "I Walked With A Zombie" ironically.

"What's King Creep doing in a place like this?" asked Venus.

"Maybe he lives here." Basil and Venus both watched as Legendre entered a store. The two walked over to the store and looked at the name of it above the door. "Armand Mazovia's Abode of Alarm." Read Basil aloud. He then looked at Venus. "Is this a store or some sideshow thing?"

"Let's go on in and find out!" Venus reached for the door only to be stopped by Basil.

"Hold on!" Basil put down his backpack and pulled a few things out of a pocket: a crucifix, an Egyptian ankh, some charm with an angel on it, a Buddha and a star of David. They were all on the same string. "Okay, now I'm ready!"

"You belong to all those faiths?" asked Venus, looking at the charms with a great amount of impress.

Basil shook his head no. "I'm Celtic Reconstructionist Pagan but I'm new to it and don't know any holy charms of the religion to ward off evil."


	26. Lobotomized

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**Lobotomized **

As Basil and Venus entered Armand Mazovia's Abode of Alarm, they found someone who the former recognized. Standing at a counter in an otherwise empty room, which only had a long hallway entrance, was Quentin Berkhart.

"Aloha, Basil." Greeted Quentin. Basil never would have guessed that Quentin was the sort of person to have said 'aloha.' "Will you and your friend be entering Armand Mazovia's Abode of Alarm?" He had never guessed that Quentin would be quite so polite either. There was something not right here. "Tickets are only one cent."

Basil took his wallet out of his pocket and looked at the change compartment. He had a penny that would work fine. "Here you go." Basil handed the penny to Quentin and he noticed that unnaturally harmless expression on Quentin's face. He was so calm and polite!

And then Basil saw the marks… Quentin had been lobotomized!

"Thank you, Basil." Quentin put the penny in the cash register and handed Basil a ticket.

"Hey!" Venus' cry caused Basil to look at her. "What about me?"

"We're not on a date, you tagged along you can pay for yourself!" Basil's answer might have not been polite but he was honestly trying to break the attraction he was feeling for Venus.

"I'm gone on bossy chaps." Said Venus, her voice having a come-hither tone. Basil wasn't sure if he'd call himself bossy but with the way Venus' voice was, he wasn't sure if she was telling the truth or just leading him on. Venus handed Quentin a nickel. "Keep the change." Venus held on to Basil's arm and then walked with him into the hallway. "How do you know him?"

Basil wasn't sure of what to say. Say he knew Quentin because of a conspiracy and Quentin had become desperately consumed with thoughts of Basil's leman Cherie?

"It's a dragged out account."

"Well maybe I like dragged out accounts." Venus' response just caused Basil to feel anxious. It was like she wanted to flirt now. If he wanted to flirt then he could just flirt with his girlfriend who Venus looked like.

And then there was a sign. Basil and Venus both looked at it. It said "Eerie Safari." So this place was split into sections. Terrific.


	27. Eerie Safari

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**Eerie Safari**

The section called "Eerie Safari" was as the name suggested East African themed. In the center of the room was a mummified gorilla fist. Basil was certain he had seen something like that in a dream that may or may not have been a nightmare. There was nothing voodoo related in here because voodoo was Dominican, Haitian, Louisianan and West African. However some Afro-African religions were mistakenly called voodoo.

Many a hellish looking thing there was in that part of the Abode of Alarm. It caused a chill to run down the spines of Basil and Venus.

"What kind of a place I this?" asked Venus.

"A hellish one." Replied Basil. "The very kind of place Crom Cruach would find himself at home in!"

Venus did not know who Crom Cruach was. Indeed this was one of the few times Basil mentioned a mythological figure who was quite obscure to some. Everyone knew who the likes of Achilles, Agamemnon, Hector, Odysseus, Penelope, Telemachus and Athena were. There were those however who did not know whom Crom Cruach was.

Crom Cruach was an Irish god that had been appeased through human sacrifice. He had fallen out of favor quickly with the pagan Celts of Ireland when the Vikings started to invade. He had become considered by pagan and Christian Celts alike as a force of evil. No doubt any place as hellish looking as this section of the Abode of Alarm would be a suitable home for Crom Cruach.

Basil would bet dollars to donuts that, this place would be considered hellish by someone of even East African heritage!

"Basil…" Venus got close to Basil. "I'm scarified!"

This was starting to become awkward for Basil. He was scared too and Venus seeking protection was causing him some difficulty because of his attraction to her because she looked like his girlfriend.

"Then lets talk, take your mind off of the fear. Are you a part of any clubs at school?"

"I'm on the cheerleading squad."

Venus was on the cheerleading squad… Of course she was!


	28. Complex of Accursed Creatures

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**Complex of Accursed Creatures**

The next section of the Abode of Alarm was called "Complex of Accursed Creatures." The description on the sign that Basil and Venus had read was "A correctional facility-like complex network that is accommodations to ambushed ghosts who kill those who enter here."

After reading the description, Venus looked at Basil. Her eyes were filled with alarm. "Basil, I want to acknowledge who I am." Basil blinked. "I'm not just any Venus Kellerman, I'm the teen fashion model Venus Kellerman." Basil blinked again. "Doesn't that mean anything to you?"

"I don't follow the clothes scene." Stated Basil. "Why are you telling me this?"

"If this Legendre is as abhorrent as you say then I just want you to know who I really am should either of us die!"

"Are you really a cheerleader?"

"Is that all you have to say?" Basil nodded. "Yes, I am. Is that all you want to know?" Again, Basil nodded. "You're some guy, Basil."

"You should meet some of my friends then." Commented Basil. And then he osculated Venus on the lips.

"Why did you do that?" asked Venus.

"Because if I should die I'd want to kiss my… leman before doing so and you look like her so you'll have to do." Basil's answer caused Venus to feel inferior. To Basil, Cherie was unexampled and Venus was… An ancillary adoration! Yet there was a lasciviousness to divan her! There was just something mystical about her.

Venus was only a little bit anguished by what Basil had said. For the first time she was interested in a guy affectionately instead of in a baiting manner and this was how she learned something about him.

She did not hold onto Basil's arm as they entered the Complex of Accursed Creatures. She just walked in ahead of Basil and walked down one way. He could get lost for all she cared!

Needless to say both got lost and Basil found himself wishing that he had Biffy's help… He did… He didn't. Biffy wouldn't be able to get a map of this place. Basil was stuck having to find his way through this maze by himself. And he didn't have a ball of string with him.


	29. Lost

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**Lost**

Lost in a maze. Basil had always found the easiest maze to go through was one he could see from above: a maze made of hay from which he could see the whole thing from atop a haystack.

Lee could have done better going through a maze, especially with Biffy's help. This just caused Basil to wonder what both of them were up to. He never would have guessed that Lee was helping the Outcasts, Jenny Jerkins of all people whom Basil hated as much as Brad Von Chilstein. Or that Biffy had created a gadget to stop the cell phone interference from the detention room.

He actually found himself wishing that there were more people here. It seemed like there was just him and Venus. He didn't care who just someone would be nice!

Naturally, this would have been the spot where the universe would have thrown someone Basil did not want but not this time. Basil was still lost. So was Venus. And now Basil wished he had asked for her cell number.

And then he came to a fork in the path he had taken. This was just great.

There were two paths. He was right handed so he'd take the right path! And then a freakish thing came out of the floor screaming like a harpy! It was animatronic, of course but it was pretty much the way not to go.

Then Basil found Venus. After going down the left path he had found another fork and thought going down the left path would be the way out of the maze.

She was sitting down. Considering how tired Basil was of this maze he felt like sitting down too.

"Hey." Basil sat down next to Venus. "Something the matter?"

"No, of course not! It's not like you could have hurt me. The first time I feel any real attraction to a guy and I learn that he has a girlfriend after he kisses me. A girlfriend I look like."

"Yeah, well you both like to tease me and you're both cheerleaders…" Basil didn't feel like cracking a joke. Not that he ever had a good joke to tell. "Her name is Cherie Burlyn. She isn't famous or related to anyone famous. I adore her with my affection. To gloss the worlds of Charles de Batz-Castelmore d'Artagnan, I could adore you with my brainpower."

"What does that even mean?"

"I have no idea."


	30. Stygian Grotto

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**Stygian Grottos **

Basil and Venus did find their way out of the maze. Now they were in the next part: the Stygian Grottos.

As the description on a sign had said "This section blues the line between incubus and actuality." That was all that it said. Of course given the prominent bat motif of this section anyone with chiroptophobia would be scared in this part.

Not that there was any live bats in the Stygian Grottos but from the statues and animatronic monstrosities in this place, someone could have a heart attack if their phobia was that serious and that was no laughing matter.

"Could we have missed something?" asked Venus.

"Maybe." Said Basil. "We must have passed a secret door or something." If they had, then they had. If it had been located in that maze back there then they would have look there again some other time! "But if it was in the maze then we can look another time." Basil squeezed Venus' hand. "For now, lets just look through the rest of the place."

"Do you squeeze Cherie's hand as hard as you squeeze mine?"

"No, she's fit but valetudinarian." Basil shook his head. "She doesn't like it when I'm aggressive with her but she is perfectly fine being aggressive with me. I have some stigmata from her excoriates and chews."

"So you're accomplished?" asked Venus, curious.

"Yeah."

"Well, well." Venus squeezed Basil's hand only to find herself unable to. He had quite the grip. "Any reason you're squeezing my hand like that." Basil didn't answer. He was on edge. He could have said he was. But he didn't. "You going to say anything?"

"What do you think of my face?"

"Did Cherie do those too?"

"No. Got burned in a car accident. My mom got out of it unharmed… Only my face."

"It is unique."

"Then my face matches Cherie's hair."


	31. Debauchery

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**Debauchery **

No secret door was found. It seemed that Legendre had just vanished. The two went back to Basil's house it had been more Basil's idea. Venus would have preferred to just walk around town with Basil but Basil didn't really feel like walking around town.

So the two sat in Basil's living room. Basil sat in a chair while Venus sat on the couch. Her resemblance to Cherie and Basil's attraction to redheads was bringing an abominable side of Basil out. He wasn't the sort of person that would try to defile a damsel. Debauch a damsel? That was something he could try.

Basil got up and walked over to the couch. "Guess who knows Prank Master Lee Ping."

"Do you have any idea how many guys have used that as a pick-up line?" asked Venus.

"Well, what if I can back it up? I actually go to A. Nigma."

"A lot of guys do apparently." Venus gave Basil a ludic osculation on the cheek. "You never try anything like that with Cherie do you?"

"No, she knows I know Lee because we both go to A. Nigma."

"Oh… So you know Lee Ping?" Venus' question was rhetorical. "That doesn't really impress me. Your dad was Cassius Hagen, you know Lee Ping you know me, look how my dad eats."

Confused, Basil shook his head. "Wait, what?"

"And do you know what is alluring?"

"What?"

"Eating peanuts."

Basil shivered in fear. He wasn't much of a person for peanuts. Lynch Webber had turned him off them for good. For all he knew any peanuts could have been poisoned by Lynch to kill all of Lee's friends: Tina, Cam, Tina, Holger, Tina, Biffy, Tina, himself and Tina. Tina, Tina, Tina… She and Lee belonged together. Lee and another or Tina and another would be barbaric. Basil felt that him being attracted to a girl that looked like his girlfriend was kind of weird but not really barbaric. It was nice in its own weird reason.


	32. Day 3

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**Day 3**

Today, Basil's mom would be returning home. Today! No skipping school for a second time! If his mom got a call saying that he was not a school today, there would be trouble. For Basil of course! There was only one kid in the Hagen household and that was Basil! Bad enough Sondra Hagen and Wendell Barrage were somewhat acquainted! Barrage was for all Basil knew single and had no interest in gender!

But what if he wasn't? What if he and Sondra ended up dating? What if he ended up as Basil's stepfather?

Basil slapped himself as he sat at the dinner table. That was stupid. His mother had no interest in remarrying and Barrage… Presumably had a thing for sock puppets.

And then a thought that picture of Barrage, Victoria and his dad entered Basil's head. Just how did they end up in a picture together? What if Cassius had been sarcastic when he wrote "The best friends I ever had"?

He must have been because neither Barrage or Victoria had ever seemed like the kind of people Cassius would be chummy with. They didn't even seem like the kind of people any one civilized, sane or intelligent would be chummy with! It didn't even seem like Sondra was chummy with Barrage! It just seemed like a business type thing!

Did Lee have this type of thing on his mind? Cam? Holger? Biffy? Tina? Any of them! Most likely not! If he knew Lee was working with vile Jenny Jerkins to unravel the mysteries of a mysterious book, that Cam was facing blackmail issues, Holger was still Holger, Biffy was still Biffy and that Tina was feeling insecure because of vile Jenny Jerkins he'd instantly drop all of his problems and go help them! Especially with getting rid of Jenny! He hated her as much as he did Brad Von Chilstein!

Why did Basil hate Jenny? She had hit him in the face with a canoe paddle when they had been at camp together as elementary school students. She said it had been an accident but Basil didn't believe it. It had been the same day Brad had nearly accidentally drowned Basil. He said he had thought Basil had pushed him into mud when it hadn't been and thus was all a big misunderstanding but Basil didn't believe him. He didn't believe either of them! Both in the same day! It couldn't have been coincidence! They must have been in league to try and kill him!

The dilemma of Cherie and Venus didn't even come into Basil's head. He was too busy thinking of his mom coming home.

"Barrage and my mom? As likely as Biffy turning into anthropomorphic toast!"


	33. SHH!

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**SHH**

Arriving at school, Basil and Cherie went through the new routine of getting into school. Wait in a line get your eye scanned and then walk in. That was the routine. Even at Basil's old school nothing like that ever happened. Sure the principal was a Voodoo witch doctor, the vice principal a former prison guard who would treat the students like prison inmates and had a compulsion to torture anyone who ended up in detention by strapping them to an electric chair, then there was the iguana that had been mutated in croc sized monitor lizard and the Sheltie sized turkey vulture that had it in for Basil but besides those four things everything was completely normal.

"Oh man, she does not!"

Basil looked at Cherie. She was looking at a text message on her phone. He must have really spaced out for a second there because everyone was reading the same text message and Basil didn't hear a thing.

"What?"

"Toni has a zit on her nose that he hid with a ton of make-up!"

Basil looked at Cherie's phone. "Who sent you this?"

"Same person who sent you the same message."

"Wait, what?" Basil took out his cell phone and looked at the text message. "By Jove, I did get the same message."

"Everyone got the same message, sweetie."

Basil looked around. Everyone did apparently have the same message. Who sent this? He looked at the message again. SHH. Who was SHH? Some RadCircles knock-off? Who could possibly a knock-off of Lynch Webber?

"Just when I think there is too much mysteries in this town one more pops up!" Basil wasn't wrong. Every since he had come to Toronto it seemed like there were mysteries layered on top of mysteries!

"So really? You met Venus Kellerman and now you're attracted to her because of her resemblance to me?" Cherie was giggling. She wouldn't laugh at Toni because she was her friend. Laughing at Basil was something else entirely. "Maybe I should impersonate her sometime!"

"Impossible." Basil put his phone in his pocket. He then walked around Cherie looking her up and down. "You've got to be two or three inches shorter."


	34. Vram Banana

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**Vram Banana**

By the time 11:55 rolled around, things were at their peak. Two more things for SHH had come up. Lee being involved with Jenny, which was as unlikable a thought as selling one's soul, and Tina eating a bagel and forgetting to brush her teeth. Those were as different as night and day.

It was around this time that a man of Asian descent, non-Turkish of course, and with blonde hair despite being in his mid seventies, showed up. His eyes even had an unhealthy yellowish tone to them. The clothing he was wearing was the same color as a banana.

When Basil saw him, he walked up to the old man. "Are you looking for something, sir?" 

The man looked down with less and interested eyes. "Looking for something? I Vram Banana, looking for something? I worked here for years and could always find the principal but now I can do no such thing! Where is little Wendell Barrage?"

So this was Vram Banana. Basil wondered if that was even his birth name. It seemed as likely as Chaz and Tina ever being a couple, which as any intelligent person knew was impossible. As for "little" Wendell Barrage, he wasn't quite so small anymore.

"You're Vram Banana? Well, Barrage is probably escorting detentionaires to detention. As for me, I'm Basil Hagen."

"Very nice. You have Cassius' eyebrow, head and shoulders."

"Why did you suggest partnering him with Barrage and Victoria to-"

"I don't know. Just wanted to. Never thought that idiot Fishers would actually do it." And with that Banana walked away.

Basil felt that to be rather anti-climatic. It was anti-climatic. It was like hearing something good but finding out the reason it was happening or happened was either forgotten or it was for some stupid reason. As it turned out it was the former.

Walking through the halls, Basil came across Tina. She looked somewhat sad. She wasn't in tears just glum.

"Who so glum, chum?" asked Basil. Tina just gave him a look. "Sounded better when my dad said it."

"Just this whole Jenny thing. " Hearing that, Basil rolled his good eye.


	35. Jenny

**Welcome back everyone. The final chapter in this story! Next time, it is an AU: "Beach Party." Enjoy and review.**

**Jenny**

Of course Tina would feel somewhat insecure about this Lee and Jenny thing. She had talked to Lee about it and he had said it was crazy talk. It was. What she needed was a second opinion and not just Lee's, even though Lee was right in that he didn't like Jenny in a romantic way. He never would. It was just too bad that she was talking to Basil, who had the most demonized view of Jenny possible. His view of her was second to that of Brad Von Chilstein. True they had somewhat made peace but Basil still thought Brad had intentionally pushed him into the lake, nearly causing him to drown.

"Look, Tina, Lee and Jenny as a couple is impossible. It is as impossible as Robin Hood's birth name not being Robert Fitzooth."

"I'll take your word for that Robin Hood bit."

"The things Jenny has done in her past, if I were tell everyone, no one would want to be friends with her!"

"Example?" asked Tina.

"She once hit me in the head with a canoe paddle and had the gall to say it was an accident."

Tina blinked. She was obviously talking to the wrong person for a second opinion. Sure she was worried that she wouldn't have a chance with Lee but talking to someone with such a blackened view of someone probably wasn't the best idea.

"Okay then, I think I'll go talk to someone else… Like maybe my sister or maybe I'll go to the library and read a book." And with that Tina left. Talking to Basil had been a bad idea.

"She really did hit me on purpose! Remember that!"

"I will!" With a grain of salt, if not the entire shaker!

Again alone, Basil heard his cell phone make that ringtone. SHH struck again! Who was the unlucky person? As it turned out it was Cherie. What she had done involved a journal and pictures of himself. What made it all the more terrible was that Cherie was a poor artist when it came to the pen and pencil and thus her pictures of himself probably looked more like a liver sausage. He had to talk to someone. He'd talk to Venus, Cherie's doppleganger.

**The End**


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